On becoming a mother…

“I am proud of many things in my life but nothing beats being a mother!” – unknown.

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January 1st, 2011 (#1.1.11) is one of the most momentous periods of my life and the date that changed my entire existence. A monumental journey with no instructions or sense of direction; just a heart filled with love and a bundle of unexplainable joy. I can’t think of any other moment when my world stood still and I heard my heart beating as I watched you slept through your first hours on this earth. A New Year it was and may I say …. A new person I became, a mother!

Clueless, but eager, I think best described my temperament but I got through the first years like a true boss. Thank God for my mother and grandmother who I must admit were my rock and support. I could not have raised such a graceful yet stubborn, energetic, smart and adventurous little girl.

There is no greater feeling than watching and enjoying your child unfold…growing into her own personality and developing her own sense of pride. A stickler for the arts and lover of music, I’m often mesmerized by her dancing, role-playing and simply re-enacting motherhood with her dolls in her dream house.  Call me a low-key stalker if you must. I can’t count the number of times she’s caught me staring and asked, “Mommy, what is it?”  I feel nothing but joy and happiness as she exceeds in life and accomplishes the different milestones.

Fast forward to now, I must say how thankful I am for having my daughter in my life. She has taught me so much and inspired me to become a better version of myself. She’s taught me the importance of being confident in who I am and my abilities. My daughter dances every moment she can; she does know how to live in the moment. Whether it’s a day at the beach, walking in the mall, dining in a restaurant or going through the airport; she’s on the floor!  I laugh at her, as in most instances, she’s dancing but not to the beat. You can’t tell her anything though as she does it boldly and confidently.

And I must mention the fact that she tries to keep me on my toes. I remember once she told me that I am not nice to others. Admittedly, I laughed it off thinking:  what does she know, telling me I am not nice! A moment I’ll never forget, as it not only provided the opportunity for me to take a step back and check myself, right my wrongs and be cognizant of how I interact and respond to people and situations. It also gave me the opportunity to teach her the difference between being a crowd pleaser, a pushover and just a person. I ensured I taught her that in life you’ll never be able to be nice to everyone as your version of what is constituted as nice may not seem that way to others. It’s about feeling confident in yourself to know that you are a good and just person.

She has taught me how to be patient and to communicate more effectively. I’ve learned the art of holding back laughter or to keep my cool while disciplining or even helping her to do something she’s not so sure of doing. More importantly, I’ve learned and accepted a feeling of security and confidence in knowing that what I am doing, on this motherhood journey, is the best I can and will help her to be her best self. I try my best to live knowing she’s watching and that ultimately; in her prime, I can sit back and watch her, and be proud of who she is.

I’ve heard other women speak of losing themselves in motherhood. But I’ve come to understand and appreciate that statement; as I too have lost myself. The great thing about losing oneself is the ability to find your true self, one with whom you are happier and more content.

So as the saying goes “A mother’s treasure is her daughter”. I know for a fact, Peyton is mine!

For all the mothers out there, how has motherhood changed you?

 

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